Life Choices

.. or how I became a programmer

Unlike kids these days, I entered programming fairly late. The first time I used a computer was in a freshman year of high school; I was 15, the year was 1998 and the computer was a PC with Windows 98! Cutting edge of technology for a school in Serbia. I distinctly remember that encounter in every detail, and like most vivid memories this one was created by a trauma. First task on a first day of “intro to programming”: create a text file on desktop, enter some text, create an empty folder, than move a text file inside a folder.

I was the only kid in the whole class who could not do this! The teacher explained every step to me over and over but I simply did not get it, he gave up after 10 minutes and moved on with a curriculum. Other students worked on subsequent tasks while I spent next 30 minutes looking at Win98 desktop like a total idiot. I never felt stupider in my whole life.

Let me add some background so you can fully understand just how stupid I felt. The school I attended was the most elite high school in Serbia, Mathematical gymnasium. On the entrance exam results, my name was the one directly below the red line; I did not pass! Probably the only reason I got into school was because scholarship was pretty high, 3000 Deutschmarks per year, someone above me gave up, and there was one empty slot. I did not even plan on attending this school, I took exams simply because they were two weeks before exams in my school of choice and I wanted some practice. And on my first day of school, on a first programming course, I got a direct verification that I was officially the stupidest person around. These kind of events make pretty deep memories.

On the next class I didn’t even listen to the teacher, I don’t even remember what the class was or who the teacher was, I only remember I spent the hour pondering how stupid I was and thinking how to tell my parents that I don’t want to go to school any more, after they paid me a tuition they could barely afford. But at some point, a question popped in my head: “am I really the stupidest person in school?”. There were some contra-arguments, I remembered I started reading comics when I was 4 years old, and throughout the whole elementary school I was consistently considered smarter than EVERYBODY. Ok I am smart enough, but Mathematical gymnasium is best of the best, am I now the stupidest one?

I decided to investigate this so I asked one of my classmates, the one I perceived to be doing best in computer exercises, “how do you know so much about computers?”. The answer was unexpected: “My parents taught me”, next question: “Are they computer teachers?” – “No, they just know computers”. But this sounded wrong to me, so I asked the next logical one: “Did your parents come to school for computer teacher to teach them computers so they can teach you?”. At this point he looked at me over the tip of his nose – it is amazing how many details I remember from those couple of hours – and said: “We have a computer at home” WHAAAAAAAAT? A Computer AT HOME, that is cheating, that is …. argh. I gave up on him as a total scumbag and went to ask another classmate about how he learned computers. Pretty soon I found out that he also had a computer at home. After that I simply went to everybody and asked: “Do you have a computer at home?”. There were only 3 (me included) out of 25 in my class who did not. In 98 in Serbia number of computer users was probably below 1%, and I was too young to realize the full concept of “elite school” and all socio-economic implications, at that point I only had two realizations: I am not stupid, and world is full of cheaters!

“Crom, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you will remember if we were smart kids or stupid kids, why we fought, or why we died. No, all that matters is that one stood against many, that’s what’s important. Valor pleases you, Crom, so grant me one request, grant me revenge! And if you do not listen, then to hell with you!”

After school, with a clear head, and berserker rage still in my heart, I went to my father, looked him straight in the eye and said: “I want a computer”. It is a testament to my rage that I did this, for my father was not a kind of man you made demands of. There were no child protection laws in those days and my father was a violent man. I was frequently beaten as a kid for no reason at all, or for minor reasons like breaking neighbor’s windows because some kids said I would not dare, or going away from home to “find the end of the world” or believing that it would be cool to have a collection of Mercedes-Benz signs, screwdriver style.

Anyways my father being a mighty warrior himself, recognized the Cimmerian in my gaze, looked at me in silence for 5 minutes to see if I break and finally asked: Do other kids have computers? YES. How many other kids? EVERYBODY. Then he said the customary: “If you are lying to me…”, and went and bought me the most expensive computer he could. It cost 2700 Deutschmarks, and with a previous tuition cost it was an unbelievable display of trust. We do indeed stand on the shoulders of giants, and the last row are our parents.

And he said unto him: “My son I have forged this mighty weapon for thee, practice well and become the mightiest of computer warriors or I will whip thy arse until there is no more skin on it.”

The rest as they say is history, my academic and competitive programming successes in high school first reduced and eventually totally removed my school tuition fees, I made a decent career so far, and I currently enjoy the leisure life of señor developer.

The events I described are certainly dramatic, and they played a large part in my development, but it is wrong to assume I simply jumped into programming because of ego-trip. In fact before I encountered that damn Win98 I already had programming experience. My EL-9400 Calculator had a simple “Basic” language and I remember coding on it simple stuff like Pascal Triangles and Sieve of Eratosthenes. Code was never a problem for me, I just could not understand what “desktop” is for, and how can you put “icon” inside a “folder icon”. I also didn’t have motor skills to move the mouse properly. It sound hilarious now, even to me, but we often forget how hard it is to do something for the first time. Add negative emotions in the mix and you get an IQ dampening death spiral that temporarily turns you into an idiot. Great thing for making strong memories and making you wonder how many of your life choices are really your own and how many are just winds of fate.

“And thus was born a barbarian software mage, and he only grew mightier with age”